I feel like I can’t get out of bed again.

Today, I had a difficult time getting out of bed. The past few weeks, I’ve been really good about getting ready in the morning. Usually I put on the Today Show and have my coffee with the bunnies. Today it was hard because I had dreams about him. It made me question all the abuse and made me wonder if I was taking it the wrong way.

In my dreams, he was kind and different than who he had been. It made me feel like I was back there, back when I took everything in bed. Work calls, food, my feelings. Everything was asleep. I was a zombie, so I felt like one this morning: a rigid, paralyzed corpse, waiting for some signal to rise.

I’m tired of feeling like this. This is not my pain. This is his pain transplanted onto me like some disease, the past I can’t get rid of, the piece of food perpetually stuck in my teeth.

But I will claw my way out of this Hell like I have all the other ones, bleeding and ready for more.