I feel the nicotine in my throat, like a capsule stuck in a gumball machine, and suddenly I feel sick of it. I just want the release, the release I don’t get anymore because I’m addicted. Addicted to the lovebombing and the constant patience I show other people, hoping that one day it will pay off. I think, “One day, someone will thank me.”

But they don’t.

Instead, I’m left waiting. Like a little kid who spent their last nickel on a piece of candy. I want the same sugar high, but instead I’m left with impatience, gum stuck on my shoe from someone else’s gratification.